So, long story short, I've been talking to this guy for a few months now and nothing has gone anywhere.  We hang out occassionaly and when we do, it's amazing.  We have incredible chemistry.  He tells me that he's trying to get his mind focused on God so he doesn't want a girlfriend.  I hope he's telling me the truth and not playing me.  I have no reason to suspect that he's lying to me but I guess the emotional, girly side of me wants a relationship and is getting a little impatient.  Oh well ...guess I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out.  I hate this part.

My parents both grew up in very Christian homes.  They both attended Wake Christian Academy and my mom went on to college at Liberty in Virginia.  I was born into church.  At that time, my parents were attending Living Word Family Church.  My parents were ultimately hurt by the leadership of that church and chose to leave when I was really little; probably about four or five years old.

By that time, my mom’s boss had started up a church.  I can’t for the life of me remember the name of it.  That church is where I remember starting to really learn about God.  I was old enough to finally take in what the Sunday school teachers were preaching.  Not long after we started attending that church, my parents decided to leave there too.

My parents haven’t gone to church since then.  They visited a few churches right after we left that church but nothing stuck.  At this time, I was about eight years old.  Honestly, I couldn’t have been happier when my parents decided to leave the church.  Pantyhose and dresses weren’t exactly my thing when I was little.  It didn’t really hit me until I was 12 years old.

When I was 12 years old, I went with my cousin Lyndi to visit the church she was going to at that time, Victory Fellowship.  I’ve been in church ever since that day.  Victory is the church that got me back into fellowship with God.  It got me grounded and back in the swing of things.  When Lyndi got married July 7^th, 2007, she started attending her husband’s church, Faith Zone Worship Center.  I took some time (about 3 months) out of church because I was really confused about what I wanted to do.  I knew I always had a home at Victory but yet my entire family went there.  I felt as though I was always being watched or judged by my own family.

During the three months that I was not in church, I really struggled.  I picked up physical addictions and bad habits that I never should have started.  Those few months were probably the worst of my life. I made so many unhealthy relationships and decisions that just ended up causing me pain. I met “the man of my dreams” who ended up wasting over a year of my life.  I was hurt more by him than I have been hurt by anything in my entire life.

I gave that man my heart, a mistake far greater than all others.  I knew things wouldn’t work out and still I let him have so much power and control over my emotions.  I really, even to this day, believe that he loved me, but because God wasn’t the center of our relationship, everything fell to the ground.  It would have been so much easier if we would have had a falling out or some concrete reason as to why we had to end things. Instead, we both got so entangled in each other that God started knocking on the outside kind of like, “What about me? Remember me?” We were at an amazing point in our relationship when we broke up.  We had wedding plans figured out, he had my ring then suddenly God stepped in. That’s why it was so hard.  With absolutely nothing going wrong in our relationship, out of the blue God tells us to end it and we have no choice but to obey.  Of course it was a rocky ending but we’re getting through it.

Soon after Lyndi got married, I started attending Faith Zone Worship Center.  That was the church that really got me to where I am now.  I truly let go of the secular life I was living at that church.  I was brought out of bondage and healed from so many things that I honestly had never thought were holding me back.  I matured in my faith and in leadership skills.  I was being mentored by the Associate Pastor at 16 years old, something that before me was unheard of.  I was working with the infants and toddlers twice a month and a greeter twice a month.  It was at the Faith Zone that I really found who I was in Christ.  I became independent in him.  I didn’t need someone constantly pushing me along.

I have recently left the Faith Zone because of personal issues and the fact that I feel as though God is taking me to a higher level.  I got what I needed at the Faith Zone and it’s time for me keep going.  I’m currently attending Victory Fellowship again and I feel like that church is my home.  My family being there doesn’t bother me anymore because I’ve grown so much since I left there.  I know God has an amazing plan for my life and I’m excited to see where it takes me.